Requested that her I.Q. test be reformatted so this time she can smell the questions and then eat them
Plays pin the tail on the donkey but keeps putting the tail on herself and then runs in circles for hours trying to catch it.
She sees a fire hydrant but just can't grasp it's importance
At the Veterinarian office she gets extremely happy when she hears you say "spade". All she can think about is how many pretzels she got last time you played cards.
Can only count up to twenty. But that's only once those silly little paw booties come off.
When asked to solve difficult math questions like " How old are you in human years?" she has a nervous breakdown
Countless bruises on nose from confrontations with the evil dog guarding the other side of the mirror
Dogs with blank stares have to tell her what "spade" really means
She is frustrated and insists that the I.Q. test needs more questions like " If it looks like a bone, smells like a bone and tastes like a bone then what is it?
Actually believes that flea and tick baths gives you fleas and ticks
Continues to post on facebook the current location of where she is digging holes in the neighborhood even though she just accepted a friend request from the dog catcher
Even after repeatedly watching that " Barking phonics" video she still pronounces "woof" as "oops"
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Top signs you've eaten too much on Thanksgiving
The remote is squarely on your belly button but you can't reach it.
Every Sumo wrestler you pass by turns and squats in a defensive posture.
You've finished your last forkful and the kids are being told their breakfast is ready.
Before dinner you looked like a stunning "after" photo and after dinner you looked like that darn "before" photo
You receive a call at the dinner table and your boss says, " Where are you? Monday's meeting is about to start."
If eating turkey became a felony there would not be any forensic evidence to convict you.
If food scraps from the table actually were fleas then your dog would not have to scratch himself for the rest of his life.
For your guests personal safety your spouse has requested that no one wear any headdresses displaying multiple feathers
When the food runs out you ask relatives stupid questions like "Aren't turkey bones edible?"
Although you cooked a manly sized turkey, when your guests arrive late your spouse nervously suggests to them that maybe it would be a nice change of pace to order a pizza.
The amount of Serotonin in your system is enough to keep even the dawn from awakening
Every Sumo wrestler you pass by turns and squats in a defensive posture.
You've finished your last forkful and the kids are being told their breakfast is ready.
Before dinner you looked like a stunning "after" photo and after dinner you looked like that darn "before" photo
You receive a call at the dinner table and your boss says, " Where are you? Monday's meeting is about to start."
If eating turkey became a felony there would not be any forensic evidence to convict you.
If food scraps from the table actually were fleas then your dog would not have to scratch himself for the rest of his life.
For your guests personal safety your spouse has requested that no one wear any headdresses displaying multiple feathers
When the food runs out you ask relatives stupid questions like "Aren't turkey bones edible?"
Although you cooked a manly sized turkey, when your guests arrive late your spouse nervously suggests to them that maybe it would be a nice change of pace to order a pizza.
The amount of Serotonin in your system is enough to keep even the dawn from awakening
Top signs it's time to get rid of the family's pet walrus
Both your spouse and the kids have been brainwashed into the herd mentality
Concerning getting him house trained --- He is unteachable
His energetic Arctic workout videos make it impossible to keep anything nice in the house
Lawyers fees are mounting as Wally has been labeled "A Mammal of Interest" in a string of seafood burglaries
Your family has learned the bitter lesson to never, no not ever, change the channel when Jacque Cousteau is on.
Next to the dog's bowl there is a pancake that looks remarkably like Fido.
When Wally lunges into the deep end at a public pool you have the legal responsibility to shout " Tsunami "
Even on the most bitter winter days Wally runs the AC full blast 24/7 .
His root canal and extreme custom crown requires a second mortgage
He looks down his tusks at you and there is no peace because "Every kid needs be on the swim team!!"
Constantly solicited by weight reduction programs in hopes of snapping an "After picture" that says I lost a quarter ton.
Flipper tracks everywhere!!!
You are sick of warm drinks. No exceptions!! -- all ice must maintain the berg
Territorial tensions escalate between you and Wally and suddenly his herd shows up. They have tattoos, xxxxxl leather jackets and loud waterproof motorcycles. The leader signals and coldly says, "Blubber him"
Concerning getting him house trained --- He is unteachable
His energetic Arctic workout videos make it impossible to keep anything nice in the house
Lawyers fees are mounting as Wally has been labeled "A Mammal of Interest" in a string of seafood burglaries
Your family has learned the bitter lesson to never, no not ever, change the channel when Jacque Cousteau is on.
Next to the dog's bowl there is a pancake that looks remarkably like Fido.
When Wally lunges into the deep end at a public pool you have the legal responsibility to shout " Tsunami "
Even on the most bitter winter days Wally runs the AC full blast 24/7 .
His root canal and extreme custom crown requires a second mortgage
He looks down his tusks at you and there is no peace because "Every kid needs be on the swim team!!"
Constantly solicited by weight reduction programs in hopes of snapping an "After picture" that says I lost a quarter ton.
Flipper tracks everywhere!!!
You are sick of warm drinks. No exceptions!! -- all ice must maintain the berg
Territorial tensions escalate between you and Wally and suddenly his herd shows up. They have tattoos, xxxxxl leather jackets and loud waterproof motorcycles. The leader signals and coldly says, "Blubber him"
Top signs you've said "Gobble, Gobble, Gobble" for the last time
Today you had to sign an insurance policy in which Farmer Jones is the beneficiary
Farmer Jones leads you out of your pen but this time his warm smile has been replaced with impatient lip smacking and a salt shaker
You no longer feel spiritual elation as in the past when you were proudly referred to as the "The chosen one"
It suddenly dawns on you why the others gave a months worth of feed to be cosmetically altered to look like Peacocks
You found it strange that when you were led out of your pen today they immediately put up a "Vacancy" sign.
You can't understand why there is a inexplicable spike in the number of younger, skinner turkeys that are asking you for loans today.
You now see that it was counterproductive to join the gym and "Bulk up"
Farmer Jones leads you out of your pen but this time his warm smile has been replaced with impatient lip smacking and a salt shaker
You no longer feel spiritual elation as in the past when you were proudly referred to as the "The chosen one"
It suddenly dawns on you why the others gave a months worth of feed to be cosmetically altered to look like Peacocks
You found it strange that when you were led out of your pen today they immediately put up a "Vacancy" sign.
You can't understand why there is a inexplicable spike in the number of younger, skinner turkeys that are asking you for loans today.
You now see that it was counterproductive to join the gym and "Bulk up"
Top reasons I got nothing from Santa
Sadly the economy has changed Santa's' "Ho Ho Ho" into "Lend me some dough ho ho"
That whole Elf thing at the mall last year that got way out of hand
That misunderstood comment about Mrs. Clause put you on his "Axis of Evil"
In cold weather you allow your pet Bull to sleep by the fireplace. And when he sees red.....
Your roof is a blasted deathtrap and last years cookies were stale!
You live in Texas and Santa found out the hard way that your chimney really is a venting pipe for an underground oil well
The Reindeer union goes on strike at 12:01 am Christmas. Something to do with the Elves pin the tail on the reindeer game
You belong to the National Rifle Association and anything on your property after dark is fair game
Global warming has melted Santa's ice city and it is now floating in the Gulf Stream
You have pulled his elastic beard and snapped it back for the last time!!
That whole Elf thing at the mall last year that got way out of hand
That misunderstood comment about Mrs. Clause put you on his "Axis of Evil"
In cold weather you allow your pet Bull to sleep by the fireplace. And when he sees red.....
Your roof is a blasted deathtrap and last years cookies were stale!
You live in Texas and Santa found out the hard way that your chimney really is a venting pipe for an underground oil well
The Reindeer union goes on strike at 12:01 am Christmas. Something to do with the Elves pin the tail on the reindeer game
You belong to the National Rifle Association and anything on your property after dark is fair game
Global warming has melted Santa's ice city and it is now floating in the Gulf Stream
You have pulled his elastic beard and snapped it back for the last time!!
Top least liked Thanksgiving Day Parade performances
The Stink Bug Brigade
The budget deficit ballet
The purple dinosaur that use to be a herbivore
Penndot workers salting an unsuspecting crowd
The Mob's greatest hits
Teachers in tuxedos forcing kids to do their homework
Live feeds of families indoors that are warm, enjoying delicious food and have access to clean restrooms
What were they thinking! They actually allowed the Boy Scouts to light their campfire balloon.
A health care reform Solo for allergy sufferers titled "Quantitative Sneezing"
A scary balloon performance from Wall Street called "Flash Crash"
The National Rifle Association's helium balloon marksmanship contest
The budget deficit ballet
The purple dinosaur that use to be a herbivore
Penndot workers salting an unsuspecting crowd
The Mob's greatest hits
Teachers in tuxedos forcing kids to do their homework
Live feeds of families indoors that are warm, enjoying delicious food and have access to clean restrooms
What were they thinking! They actually allowed the Boy Scouts to light their campfire balloon.
A health care reform Solo for allergy sufferers titled "Quantitative Sneezing"
A scary balloon performance from Wall Street called "Flash Crash"
The National Rifle Association's helium balloon marksmanship contest
Top Signs you're on your boss's bad side
Other employee's get year end bonuses; you get tasered.
12 times during your performance evaluation you distinctly heard the words "Drop dead"
He's serves a new trainee coffee in your coffee cup and then invites him to drink it at your desk.
The only reason you were invited to the office party was to play the donkey in the pin the tail on the donkey game
Your name is Bob and when you play your employer's albums backwards you clearly hear the words "Kill Bob"
He asks you to go and pick up a pizza and then quickly changes the locks.
Your keenly trained senses suggests there may be something amiss. Your boss won't give you eye contact, he straightens perfectly ordered papers, and you pick up a slight stuttering when he says "Your fired!"
You so annoy everyone that when the boss hires the mafia to do a hit on you Mr. Big says "It's on the house"
Your 8 x 10 photo of your family has been switched out with an unemployment application
If memory serves you correctly, the directions to your new work area places you inside the chute that drops into the dumpster
You thought it was too good to be true that you were eligible for 52 weeks of vacation this year and you were right
12 times during your performance evaluation you distinctly heard the words "Drop dead"
He's serves a new trainee coffee in your coffee cup and then invites him to drink it at your desk.
The only reason you were invited to the office party was to play the donkey in the pin the tail on the donkey game
Your name is Bob and when you play your employer's albums backwards you clearly hear the words "Kill Bob"
He asks you to go and pick up a pizza and then quickly changes the locks.
Your keenly trained senses suggests there may be something amiss. Your boss won't give you eye contact, he straightens perfectly ordered papers, and you pick up a slight stuttering when he says "Your fired!"
You so annoy everyone that when the boss hires the mafia to do a hit on you Mr. Big says "It's on the house"
Your 8 x 10 photo of your family has been switched out with an unemployment application
If memory serves you correctly, the directions to your new work area places you inside the chute that drops into the dumpster
You thought it was too good to be true that you were eligible for 52 weeks of vacation this year and you were right
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