Other employee's get year end bonuses; you get tasered.
12 times during your performance evaluation you distinctly heard the words "Drop dead"
He's serves a new trainee coffee in your coffee cup and then invites him to drink it at your javascript:void(0)desk.
The only reason you were invited to the office party was to play the donkey in the pin the tail on the donkey game
Your name is Bob and when you play your employer's albums backwards you clearly hear the words "Kill Bob"
He asks you to go and pick up a pizza and then quickly changes the locks.
Your keenly trained senses suggests there may be something amiss. Your boss won't give you eye contact, he straightens perfectly ordered papers, and you pick up a slight stuttering when he says "Your fired!"
You so annoy everyone that when the boss hires the mafia to do a hit on you Mr. Big says "It's on the house"
Your 8 x 10 photo of your family has been switched out with an unemployment application
If memory serves you correctly, the directions to your new work area places you inside the chute that drops into the dumpster
You thought it was too good to be true that you were eligible for 52 weeks of vacation this year and you were right
Monday, April 11, 2011
Top reasons you're a Facebook junkie
When your dog needs to go to the bathroom he has to post a request on your Wall
Your facebook page has made your nightlight obsolete
Staring at your grandchildren pics with bloodshot eyes is a small indicator of how long you've been online. The big indicator is that when you signed on your status was single.
You've downloaded a shower app so you can max your online time
You place your lunch on your keyboard so you won't forget it in the morning
Your loved one sits down with you on the couch. You ask them about their day in a chat session
You were actually outside yesterday and were awestruck that there were still real people accomplishing productive non-virtual things
Career development and plans of starting a family have been replaced with upping your "Friends" and "Liked this" count
Your activity on facebook is so intense that the neighboring towns are experiencing rolling brown outs
The lights are out, your eyes are shut but your burned out retinas are still displaying your facebook page
Yesterday you momentarily logged off in hopes of still catching President Clinton's swearing in ceremony
You've enrolled in a 12 step Facebook program. Ironically step 1 is to admit you are a "Facebook Junkie" in the comments section
Your facebook page has made your nightlight obsolete
Staring at your grandchildren pics with bloodshot eyes is a small indicator of how long you've been online. The big indicator is that when you signed on your status was single.
You've downloaded a shower app so you can max your online time
You place your lunch on your keyboard so you won't forget it in the morning
Your loved one sits down with you on the couch. You ask them about their day in a chat session
You were actually outside yesterday and were awestruck that there were still real people accomplishing productive non-virtual things
Career development and plans of starting a family have been replaced with upping your "Friends" and "Liked this" count
Your activity on facebook is so intense that the neighboring towns are experiencing rolling brown outs
The lights are out, your eyes are shut but your burned out retinas are still displaying your facebook page
Yesterday you momentarily logged off in hopes of still catching President Clinton's swearing in ceremony
You've enrolled in a 12 step Facebook program. Ironically step 1 is to admit you are a "Facebook Junkie" in the comments section
Top signs your dog has an eating disorder
The word "gravy" whispered from 300 yards away makes him leap up even while under anesthesia
He is so full that if you put him in a dogapult and hurled him over the enemy walls he would be considered a weapon of mass destruction. ( note: a catapult is for cats )
At first you were hopeful when Fido enrolled in the 12 step program from "Devouring Dogs Anonymous." But you are heartbroken when you hear that their 3 times a day meetings are held at the buffet.
When being treated for dehydration he insists that the Vet use an I.V. filled with turkey gravy
He continuously begs you for more and more of those doggy appetite suppressant treats.
He doesn't like politics mixed his chow time. He doesn't want to hear the words "Quantitative Eating"
Compared to him, Pavlov's Salivating dogs appear to have cotton mouth
After lunch he is so bloated that when the mailman comes all he can do is bark and frantically move his legs in midair.
In his boxing days, when knocked unconscious, it was more effective to use bacon than smelling salts
He is so full that if you put him in a dogapult and hurled him over the enemy walls he would be considered a weapon of mass destruction. ( note: a catapult is for cats )
At first you were hopeful when Fido enrolled in the 12 step program from "Devouring Dogs Anonymous." But you are heartbroken when you hear that their 3 times a day meetings are held at the buffet.
When being treated for dehydration he insists that the Vet use an I.V. filled with turkey gravy
He continuously begs you for more and more of those doggy appetite suppressant treats.
He doesn't like politics mixed his chow time. He doesn't want to hear the words "Quantitative Eating"
Compared to him, Pavlov's Salivating dogs appear to have cotton mouth
After lunch he is so bloated that when the mailman comes all he can do is bark and frantically move his legs in midair.
In his boxing days, when knocked unconscious, it was more effective to use bacon than smelling salts
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
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